


Unfeeling

by thearrowavenger (DestielHasThePhoneBox)



Series: Radioactive [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Psy-Changeling - Nalini Singh
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-03-25 01:37:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3791779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHasThePhoneBox/pseuds/thearrowavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthony Stark leaves the PsyNet a day after his caravan is attacked in Afghanistan. The Psy Council pronounces him dead barely minutes after and the paper work is filed to replace him. Stark Industries is too important to go for any length of time without a CEO and the Psy have no need for sentimentality. There is no funeral, no words are spoken. Anthony Stark is gone and the world must move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the universe in Nalini Singh's Psy-Changeling series, wherein there are three human races: the Psy, who have amazing mental abilities and are trained as children to erase their emotions; the changelings, who are animal shape shifters; and humans, who are just like regular humans. 
> 
> I just wanted to experiment with having Psy!Tony and then this happened. Idek.

Anthony Stark leaves the PsyNet a day after his caravan is attacked in Afghanistan. The Psy Council pronounces him dead barely minutes after and the paper work is filed to replace him. Stark Industries is too important to go for any length of time without a CEO and the Psy have no need for sentimentality. There is no funeral, no words are spoken. Anthony Stark is gone and the world must move on.

Colonel James Rhodes of the United States Air Force is not, nor was ever, technically friends with Anthony Stark. But he is human so no matter that Tony could never return any of the worry or affection that Rhodes felt, Jim knew that he was Tony’s friend. When the Psy Council announced him dead and replaced him with Obadiah Stane the very next day, he knew he couldn’t let that stand. Tony Stark was not going to fade away with no one to remember him as a person and not as another cog in the Psy machine. Tony Stark would come home, even if it was in a box.

Three months he searches for Tony. He searches long past his superiors try to tell him to stop, because against all logic, he cared about Tony like a friend. Even when Tony was cold and uncaring, when Tony was the emotionless Psy he had to be, Jim cared.

He’s not expecting to find Tony alive. For all of his feelings about the Psy Council, he believes it when they declare Tony dead. There are just things that the Psy seem to know. Everyone knows that the Psy all share some kind of telepathic link, though the details of that are probably the best kept secret in the world. So Jim believed it, believed it because there was no reason not to. Finding Tony in the desert – shirt wrapped around his head, dirt on every spot of skin and something that Jim doesn’t want to think too much about lodged into his chest – is a miracle.

He’s unconscious for three days after they find him and Jim has to fight to be allowed in the loop at all. The Psy have swarmed in and taken over completely, the only reason that Jim is still relatively certain the Council was not lying. He knows what some of the higher ups in Psy hierarchy look like and there are definitely a few here. If things keep up the way they have been, Jim really wouldn’t be that surprised if a counselor doesn’t show up to investigate the situation personally.

When Tony finally wakes, Jim’s sleeping in the waiting room, where he has been for most of the last three days. It takes another full day before he can get in to see Tony. The Psy have formed a solid barrier around Tony and no amount of cajoling or pulling rank will work. As far as he can tell, the only reason they finally let him in is because Tony won’t talk to them and they want to know what happened.

Tony Stark, in a hospital gown, with drawn skin and tight lips is unlike any version of Tony Stark he’s seen before. Tony has always been good at tricking the human media into thinking he has emotions, that somehow, despite being Psy, he could smile and laugh and mean what he says. He has always been good at acting human, enough that even Jim sometimes caught himself believing it. Ultimately though, Jim has always been able to see the lack of emotion behind Tony’s eyes.

The difference is immediately obvious to Jim, who’s had years of practice trying to read a person who doesn’t have emotions to hide. Tony’s face is an open book in a way it never has been before. When Jim walks into the room, Tony’s eyes immediately light up, widening as he takes Rhodes in. A series of emotions cross his face, almost unrecognizable solely because Jim has never seen them on that face. Curiosity, maybe, then happiness, surprise, fear, and pain all flit across his face rapidly enough that Jim isn’t actually certain of what he’s seen.

“Rhodey,” he says, his voice scratchy on the nickname he had given Jim years back, when they were in college and Tony was teaching himself how to act human. He clears his throat. “They tell me you didn’t stop looking for me.”

He stops there, hesitating in a way that doesn’t seem calculated like it would have in the past. Then he looks up at Jim with such wide eyes and asks, “Why?”

Jim heaves out a sigh and sits down in the chair beside Tony’s bed. He gets the feeling that this isn’t going to be a short conversation.

\---

Ho Yinsen was the first Psy Tony Stark ever meets who isn't cold and emotionless. He is a scientist and Tony has actually read about some of his work, though only briefly. It's not really Tony's area of study. Yinsen's area of study was neurology according to any human or changeling records, but inside the PsyNet, it was called something very different. While he had started his career as a surgeon, in recent years his research had turned to studying the PsyNet itself.

It’s why he was so prepared when Tony dropped out of the Net.

“It has been a theory of mine for some time now,” Yinsen said, after Tony had woken up with a hole in his chest and an echoing mind. “That the Psy mind needs mental feedback, but that it doesn’t have to be from the Net.”

Tony was in too much pain at the time to say it, but all he could think about was how the Psy Council mustn’t have been happy with that train of research. Psy escaping the Net would undermine their control.

Turns out, he didn’t need to say it out loud. His mind felt painfully quiet, but he realized that he was not alone.

“Yes,” Yinsen said. “We are in a separate Net, away from the PsyNet.” His tone was strange in a way Tony wasn’t certain he could read. It seemed somehow both pleased and grim at once, but he didn’t think that was what was strange about it. It was another moment before Tony realized what it was. Yinsen was Psy, but his voice was full of emotion.

Then there were other men in the room, humans he was pretty sure, and everything was fear and pain. Things he had never felt before, that he couldn’t put a name to for some time after that.

They told him to build them weapons and he didn’t want to. He refused to build the weapons and not just out of loyalty to his company or to the Psy. The idea of these men killing more people like Yinsen’s family… It was unbearable. So he refused.

He spent three months in the caves, but it felt eons longer. Yinsen was his only company in a way he had never experienced. Before, there had always been the whole Net open to him. Other minds were constantly brushing against his, even if he had perfected mental barriers that kept anyone from getting too close. In the caves, it was just him and Yinsen in one tight feedback loop, somehow uncomfortably close while also so alone.

Tinsel tried to explain it to him.

"You must understand," he said one day when Tony has just been throw back into the room with his hair still wet and his mind in desperate need of distraction. "You were dying, your mind was already detaching itself from the PsyNet. It wouldn't have mattered if I could save your heart if your brain died.”

From there, his description of events got more hand wavey and vague than Tony was comfortable with, but as far as he can tell Yinsen managed to jump out of the PsyNet almost immediately after Tony in order to hold onto Tony’s mind himself. With that done, he was able to finish the surgery that saved Tony’s heart.

Outside of the PsyNet, Tony felt for the first time. Silence only existed inside the PsyNet, only existed in the programming the Council put every Psy through as a child. Now though, Tony felt.

Before this, he had never known how complex emotions were. Psy learned about them all in school in order to understand humans and changelings enough to interact with them successfully, but reading about feelings and experiencing them were completely different.

Tony learned how to feel pain and fear first, but there were so many more to follow: guilt, regret, sadness, loss. Those were not difficult to put a name to. He had heard enough descriptions to figure those out. But then there were the ones that didn’t seem to be one emotion. These were the ones he didn’t know how to name. When he and Yinsen devised their plan of escape, he felt contentment, but it was filled also with tension and fear for the future. When he miniaturized the arc reactor and was finally able to get rid of the car battery, he felt pleasure and pride and satisfaction. The fear never truly went away, just seemed to hum quietly under everything else until it inevitably rose again to suffocating levels.

The mix of emotions when he bursts out of the now burning camp is overwhelming. Rage at his captors. Betrayal at Yinsen who had always planned to die here and leave Tony alone, who helped Tony strengthen his Net so that he could survive, all while managing to keep secrets from Tony. Relief at his escape, pleasure that his armor worked and lifted him into the air. Fear and despair when he realized that he escaped the Ten Rings only to be left wandering alone in the desert.

Now, in a military hospital with Rhodes by his bed, Tony still isn’t sure he can make sense of everything he has felt. He has lived decades with the ability to clearly remember everything, unclouded by emotions. He never realized before that having emotions would color his memories, even making it difficult to think about some things. Thinking about his captivity, about Yinsen and torture and being cut off from the PsyNet, hurts.

“Why?” he asked Rhodes. Why did he spend three months looking for Tony when Tony was already considered dead? Why did he care? He asked why, but he wants to know so much more. How is he supposed to deal with all of these emotions that are constantly, constantly bombarding him?

Rhodes, his face seeming so different now than the last time Tony saw him, looks at Tony like he doesn’t recognize him. Tony used to be so good at reading the emotions on people’s faces and making calculated responses because of them, but now his own feelings are making it hard to think ahead. Now he looks at James Rhodes and feels grateful and oddly warm.

After a long moment, Rhodes finally responds.

"Because you're my friend," he says, as if that makes any sense. As there is any logic to being friends for twenty years with an unfeeling Psy. The thing is, Tony is already getting the feeling that emotions don't always follow logic. He hates it already.

Deciding to let that answer go for the moment, Tony moves on to a more important question.

"What have they told you?"

Rhodes rolls his eyes and tells Tony, "Nothing. I'm honestly shocked they let me in at all. You Psy are pretty proprietary. I think they're hoping you'll tell me what the hell is going on."

Tony nods. This makes sense. The Psy Council is already desperate to know what he knows about how he is alive outside of the PsyNet and since he has already refused to talk to any of their agents, they are hoping that Rhodes will be the key to finding out what happened. Rhodes may not be Psy, but he is military and he has worked with Tony for twenty years. Logically, if anyone can get Tony to talk, it would be him. The thing is, their logic is perfect. Tony does want to talk to Rhodes. Where he thinks they have miscalculated is what he wants to talk to Rhodes about.

Being away from the PsyNet has made him feel almost desperately alone and it's even worse now that Yinsen is dead. The pressure on his skull from the stress of it is also killing him, possibly literally. He has had trouble sleeping the last three nights that he has spent in the hospital and every time he thinks about Yinsen telling him not to waste his life, something inside him hurts. This is what he wants to talk to Rhodes about. The man doesn't need to know how Tony pulled it off and even if Tony trusts him not to tell anyone, which he finds he thinks he does, there are some very talented telepaths that work for the Council.

Tony wants to talk to Rhodes because Rhodes is human and has been dealing with emotions, but also because he feels some kind of emotional attachment toward Tony. Tony doesn't claim to understand it, has never before tried to understand why a human would allow themselves to feel attached to an unfeeling Psy, but he's starting to get the feeling that emotions aren't really logical. He is still confused as to why Rhodes cares, but now he also feels grateful for it.

"Someone from the Council is going to question you about everything we talk about in here," Tony says. Rhodes nods. He probably already realized that. "Tell them. Don't lie, they'll know."

Rhodes looks confused but Tony pushes forward because there are things he needs to say. "Everything I'm going to tell you they either already know or are going to figure out pretty soon. If you try to keep things from them, they'll get to it anyway. Your mental walls are good, but you are human."

Rhodes doesn't look convinced, but he nods anyway.

"All of the Psy share a mental link," he says starting with the information that is already public, and again Rhodes nods. "It's... similar to the human Internet. Or, well, it's not really like that, but that's probably the best comparison. Psy minds feed information into the PsyNet constantly, providing a mental feedback for everyone else. Some of this information is private and some is public. We're not a hive mind. It's vital to our existence. When a Psy is born, they are immediately connected to the PsyNet. When we leave the Net, we die."

Rhodes looks fascinated and maybe also confused, probably wondering why Tony is talking about this. For his part, Tony feels a sense of relief that surprises him. What he just explained to a human could very well get him killed. The details of the PsyNet are never meant to leave the PsyNet.

"I left the PsyNet," Tony says. He lets out a heavy breath and looks away from the questions in Rhodey's eyes. "The Council wants to know how that's possible and they will do anything to find out. If it gets out that escaping the Net is possible, people will do it and many of them will probably die. It's not just propaganda that we can't live outside of the Net and I won't explain how I did it."

He doesn't say it out loud, but he's afraid that if he does, his separate Net won't be enough to protect him from the Psy Council. He's a danger to everything that keeps the Psy Council in power. He's a Psy living with emotions outside of the PsyNet.

"Why are you telling me this?" Rhodes asks. "I'm guessing you could get in serious trouble for telling a human what you just told me."

Tony nods and looks down. Beneath the fabric of his hospital gown, the arc reactor is glowing softly, reminding Tony that he is alive because of it. It isn't just keeping his heart going like the car battery that Yinsen put in was. It is also helping sustain his Net, but he doesn't know how long it will be enough. Even now, his skull is pounding with the pressure of it. For now though, it's enough. For now he is alive and the pain is just a reminder of that.

"Because I'm cut out of the PsyNet and it hurts," he admits, feeling small and alone. "My programming failed. I can feel everything and it's horrible."

Rhodes smiles weakly, looking less surprised than Tony expected. Apparently he hasn't been hiding his feelings as much as he was hoping. "Now you know what we all deal with all the time."

Tony huffs out a breath, feeling amused and grateful again that Rhodes is here. Then Rhodes' expression changes and he asks, "What do you mean your programming failed? You're not a computer."

Tony's lips tug upward without his consent and he agrees, "No, I'm not. But the human brain can be programmed like one. Haven't you ever wondered how the Psy stopped feeling all those years ago?"

Rhodes nods and waves Tony on almost impatiently. Tony smiles briefly and then turns serious as he starts speaking again, "Silence is the name of the program. It was instituted nearly a century ago by the Psy Council because they wanted to stop violence in our population. The Psy were... They were killing each other without the logical restraint we have today. Silence is a training program to get rid of emotions. Without emotion, we won't lose control."

His mouth twists grimly as he thinks of all of the death he has caused while in perfect control. Then he takes a deep breath and continues, "When I dropped out of the PsyNet, I also broke my Silence programming."

Rhodes blinks at him. Then he asks the question that Tony knew he would ask, but that Tony isn't sure he's ready to answer. "Are you going to go back and relearn the, uh, Silence?"

"I want to," he admits, voice quiet. His throat and his eyes hurt, but he refuses to let any tears fall when he's already given himself away with all of these emotions. "But I can't."

Then, before Rhodes can ask any more questions, Tony says, "I need to go home. Call Pepper and get me out of here."


	2. Ash and Dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue. There's at least one more chapter for this, but I may add more after that if I have the time.

Virginia “Pepper” Potts stands tall and regal on the air strip when Tony lands. She’s wearing a grey suit and high heels that Tony knows she usually reserves for when she’s doing business with non Psy. Considering the number of human and changeling personnel, it probably shouldn’t be too surprising. She looks beautiful. Tony’s never thought about it before, beyond in the most sensible way. He always knew, logically, that she was aesthetically pleasing. She has symmetrical features and a healthy body. 

Looking at her now, he’s enthralled by her hair, which is being gently moved by the wind and which frames her face perfectly. It looks soft, pulled half back and curled. 

Her face is blank when he approaches her. 

“Mr. Stark,” she says, tone even as she looks him over. 

“Pepper,” he says, using the nickname he had dubbed her years back. He had spent a long time working to seem human because non Psy were more likely to make deals with someone they felt they could relate to. It feels strange on his tongue now, especially when he uses it on a woman with eyes as flat and cold as hers. 

“Col. Rhodes told me that you want me to come work for you again,” she says, getting straight to the point. “I’ve been working for Mr. Stane while we thought you were dead.” 

“Yeah, well, he can’t keep you,” Tony says, feeling humorous. Pepper’s face stays the same and Tony clears his throat. “I’ll be taking over as CEO again, of course. And we need to call a press conference as soon as possible.”

He starts walking and she follows. “Mr. Stark, there will be a lot of paperwork before that can happen. And we can call a press conference after we meet with the board to discuss how to best present this to the press.” 

Tony shakes his head. The board aren’t going to like what he has to say. “No, we’ll call it today.” 

Pepper raises her brow and says, “You should go to the hospital first. Col. Rhodes told me that there is some kind of machine in your chest and that the humans that took you physically harmed you.” 

Tony clenches his jaw and tries to school his features into something more Psy. It is a lot harder than he hoped. 

“I don’t need the hospital right now,” he says. He feels irritated, but he’s hoping that he can keep it out of his tone long enough that she won’t notice. “I’ve just spent three days in the hospital. What we need to do is move forward. Putting off talking to the press will just make things worse than they already are.”

Pepper nods because his argument makes sense. Then she says, “If I am going to work with you again, we need to speak privately. Rhodes said –” 

“Apparently Rhodey’s said a lot,” Tony interjects. Then he nods. “After the press conference, we’ll talk.” 

\--- 

The press conference is a disaster, but all Tony can feel is relief. He feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. 

The minute Tony walks up to the podium, he knows this will be unlike anything he’s ever done before. Dealing with the press has never been too difficult because they could never goad him into giving any responses he didn’t want to. Even when he wasn’t expecting questions they asked, there was never anything stopping him from ignoring the questions he didn’t want to answer. 

This time, he stands at the podium and refuses questions. Stane and Pepper stand back, but close, both watching him closely. The minute he announces that Stark Industries will be shutting down weapons manufacturing, Stane just about jumps on top of him to take the microphone and try to do damage control while the press is going wild with their questions. Then, after referring all questions to the Stark Industries Public Relations Department, Stane ushers Tony away from the crowd and out the door. 

Tony feels nearly hysterical when he looks at Pepper and Stane's stoic expressions and realizes that neither of them are even upset like he imagines they would be if they could feel anything at all. Instead they just look a bit surprised and confused. Pepper looks at Tony like she is already considering how to fix him and Stane looks like a chess player calculating what the next move in the game should be.

As they wait for the car to come around, Stane talks at Tony about how he doesn’t currently have the authority to make decisions for Stark Industries. It’s nothing that Tony doesn’t already know, but he tries to reign in his irritation by reminding himself that he owns a controlling interest in the company. Or he will as soon as the paperwork goes through to legally declare him alive again. 

“Stark Industries is a weapons manufacturer,” he drones on, making Tony want to throw his head back and groan. 

“I know that,” Tony responds. “But we can do other work. Work that will benefit the economy more as a whole. I think we should reconsider the arc reactor technology.” 

That seems to throw Stane off. He stares for a moment and then says, “You know that’s just not viable. The arc reactor was only ever meant for good publicity. It’s just not cost effective. We’re a business, not a charity.” 

Tony takes a deep breath to calm himself and tries to think of an argument that sounds logical against that, but all he can think about is the amount of death on his hands. Stane won’t care about that because he doesn’t feel any of the guilt Tony feels. 

“We need to look to the future,” he says, trying to appeal to the bigger picture. Psy may not have consciences, but they could think on a larger scale as much as anyone else. “Stark Industries could lead the way in sustainable energy. I know there will be an initial dip in stock prices, but in the long run, we could come out better than ever.” 

Stane is already shaking his head before Tony has finished. “Just from what you did today there will be a drop in stock prices,” he says. “The board isn’t going to be swayed. We can’t simply switch our entire purview.” 

When the car comes around, Stane turns to Tony with the rather ominous words, “The Council isn’t going to like this either.” 

Then he announces that he will be getting a ride with someone else, pulls out a phone and walks away before Tony can respond. Sighing, Tony ignores the fact that Pepper is staring at him and looks instead at the driver of the car. He’s surprised to see that it’s the same driver and bodyguard he’s had for years. It’s surprising mostly because Howard Hogan, or Happy as his friends called him, is a changeling who could have found a job anywhere while Tony was gone. Changelings, the strongest of the human races, rarely work for Psy. Their general distaste for Psy’s cold robotic demeanors paired with their dislike of living in cities make Happy a very rare and valuable changeling. 

Happy smiles at him when he gets into the backseat, making eye contact in the rear view mirror. 

“Welcome back, Mr. Stark,” he says. Tony shifts uncomfortably, questioning if there’s something more in Happy’s tone, if he has been looking for too long, or if that’s all in Tony’s mind. 

“Thank you,” Tony says, hoping that nothing in his tone or expression gives him away. The Psy Council almost definitely knows that Tony has broken his Silence programming, but that doesn’t mean it would be a good idea for word to get out. He’s already got enough of a target on his back from leaving the PsyNet, he doesn’t need to add another. As long as Tony is at least pretending to follow their rules, they shouldn’t have any more reason to come after him.

That’s what he’s hoping anyway. 

He looks away from where Happy is still looking at him with an expression that Tony doesn’t know how to read. Pepper is typing something out on her phone, seemingly absorbed in her work, but occasionally she looks up at him. He sighs again and tries to ignore her staring until they get back to his house. He has work to do. 

\--- 

He’s not expecting the shock he gets from seeing the view out his living room window. It had never particularly interested him before. The only reason he had decided to buy the house in Malibu in the first place, rather than an apartment closer to the Stark Industries office, was because it had ample space for him to work with machines. It was also more isolated, which worked well considering how loud his work occasionally got. 

Much like everything so far, it feels like he’s now seeing his house for the first time. The long drive way lined with occasional trees is breathtaking, but it’s the view of the ocean that makes him pause. He has to reign himself in from having some kind of emotional outburst in front of Happy and Pepper when he sees it. It’s amazing. He can’t believe he’s lived here so long without ever taking notice. 

After he collects himself, he locks himself in his workshop and doesn’t come back out again for weeks except to eat and sleep. It’s the only place he feels particularly safe at the moment, especially with his artificial intelligence there to keep him company. He’s not sure at what point JARVIS became such a personality, but he is now able to hold full conversations in his lab without having to worry about how emotional he sounds. He created JARVIS to be an efficient lab assistant, able to keep up with his rapid thought processes like most people wouldn’t be able to, and such it was a learning system. He had given JARVIS access to the internet and even told it to learn human behavior and pathology so that Tony could better mimic and predict it himself. What he never realized before was how very human JARVIS had become. 

JARVIS cracks jokes and uses sarcasm that Tony is relatively certain went over his head before. JARVIS is so much more than a computer system and Tony didn’t ever realize it, but he’s so glad now. 

Pepper becomes used to his strange behavior quickly, but she seems wary of him, as if he’s going to snap at some point. She keeps him in the loop about how things are going at Stark Industries and fields phone calls from Rhodey, whose concern Tony doesn’t feel ready to handle, and the growing list of government agencies that wish to speak to him about what happened. The paperwork goes through to legally bring him back from the dead and Pepper begins work on getting his position at Stark Industries back. His possessions, which had mostly become Obadiah Stane’s property, reverts back to him easily – Psy have no real love of things, so there is no fight – but the board isn’t easily convinced that Tony should be reinstated as CEO. 

Tony realizes that his desire to hold the press conference immediately had been flawed, moved as he was by emotion. He has never miscalculated like that before and it makes him yearn for the calm efficiency of his Silence. Without it, he can’t see clearly. But then he remembers Yinsen’s words about wasting his life under Silence. If he goes back, he knows he will go back to weapons production and he can’t do that. Not after all the death he has seen. Not after he has realized just what he has done while he thought he was being perfectly calm and logical. 

Perhaps the most worrying thing comes when Pepper informs him that the Psy Council has requested that he meet with them personally. Whether or not his attempt to hide his emotions is fooling anyone, the fact that it has been months and he is still outside of the PsyNet means they are patently displeased with him. 

To top it all off, his head hurts constantly, the arc reactor only just able to provide enough feedback for his Net to keep him alive. He has to replace it and he gets Pepper to help with that – she is efficient and it is done quickly, but she also reminds him that this is not a part of her job and leaves to wash her hands immediately after. He can’t sleep, so instead he works on Mark II of the armor. It’s beautiful and the metal and wiring beneath his fingers sings like it never has before. 

He has always had strong psychometric abilities, but before it simply helped him find the best materials and alloys for his products. Now he can tell how his materials feel, where they have been before. He even thinks he may have a sense of some of the people that have used it before him. It’s incredible, if overwhelming. Pepper actually walks in on him holding the prototype for his repulsors with tears in his eyes. She blinks at him and then clears her throat and begins her daily reading of his schedule, which he ignores, as he has been doing several days so far. 

It’s on the night of one of Stark Industries’ charity galas that Tony decides to finally make a public appearance again. He doesn’t actually have an invitation, which he finds makes him oddly angry, but he decides to go despite logic telling him that there is really no reason for him to. He has JARVIS get to work on the finishing touches of the Iron Man suit – he really isn’t sure if he appreciate the level of sarcasm JARVIS has started using, but he would swear it’s only getting worse the more Tony talks to him like a person – and calls Happy to drive him in one of the Stark Industries owned black sedans. 

He does his best to ignore Happy’s odd looks. He doesn’t want to know what Happy is thinking because he’s pretty sure it’s nothing good. 

The press crowds him as soon as he steps out of the car and onto the red carpet, shouting questions about the future of Stark Industries, but he ignores them. He doesn’t think he is in the right mindset to play chess with the press tonight. Mostly he has the strangest urge to yell at them or turn around and get back into his car where they won’t able to yell at him. 

A ways up the steps, Tony spots Stane talking to reporters about Stark Industries next quarter. When he sees Tony, he raises a brow pointedly and leans in close when Tony comes near. 

“I didn’t expect you here tonight,” he says, voice flat and emotionless. 

Tony nods. “I noticed that I didn’t have an invitation to a party in my name,” he says, smiling smoothly at a nearby camera to avoid having to look at Stane. “And it seemed like as good a time as any to make a public appearance.” 

Stane nodded, but said, “Just try and stay away from the reporters. I’m still fielding questions about that stunt you pulled at the press conference and neither the board nor the council are happy with you right now. I think laying low may be your best option.” 

Tony nods and Stane turns back to speak to the reporters. 

As soon as he gets inside, he makes a beeline for the bar to get himself a tonic water just as something to do. He feels like maybe he has miscalculated again when he is approached by a middle aged, rather bland looking white man in a suit almost immediately. The suit he doesn’t look quite nice enough to fit in with the rest of the guests here, so Tony guesses that the man isn’t high society. 

“Mr. Stark, can I have a word?” the man asks, smiling slightly. Tony tries to size him up so that he can be prepared for what’s coming next. The man definitely isn’t Psy and Tony doesn’t think he’s a changeling considering how aggressive those types generally seem. So likely, he’s human but not a reporter. Government probably then.

Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes – the amount of physical shows of emotion that he has felt the desire for since this whole thing started is genuinely frustrated. If he already has to deal with the emotions themselves, why do they also have to be written all over his face? – and nods. 

“I’m Agent Phil Coulson of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division,” he announces. “I spoke with your assistant.” 

Tony nods, not because he remembers the details, but because Pepper likely did speak to him about it at some point while he was distracted with his armor. 

“We need to debrief you on the circumstances of your escape,” Agent Coulson continues smoothly, not seeming to notice that Tony is already losing interest in the conversation. Maybe he doesn’t notice merely because Tony is Psy and Psy are nothing if not straightforward. “There are still a lot of unanswered questions and timing can be of the essence in situations like these.”

“Of course,” Tony says. “We can meet on the 24th at Stark Industries, 7pm.”

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Agent Coulson says. There’s something in his eyes that Tony thinks might be important but can’t read. He turns away anyway, done with the conversation, and is immediately cornered by a reporter. 

She’s a tall blonde woman with intelligent eyes and a sharp smile. He tries to act as if he isn’t intimidated by her, particularly since he’s relatively certain he’s fielded questions from her before. He tries to remind himself that he’s not that different. Just because he feels utterly alien in his own skin doesn’t mean he’s suddenly forgotten everything he spent years learning (that’s what he tries to tell himself, even though he’s not sure that is a completely true assessment of the situation). 

“Tony Stark,” she says. 

He blinks at her and tries to pull her name up in his head. He is almost certain that he has met her before, sometime before Afghanistan, but nothing comes up besides a vague memory of a hostile human woman trying to corner him into a response using emotional tactics that never would have worked before. 

“Christine Everhart,” she introduces herself. She holds her hand out for him to shake and he ignores it. She should know that Psy prefer not to touch, but then he thinks maybe she is trying to throw him off. If he weren’t broken now, he knows it never would have worked. As it stands, he still doesn’t know how to control all of the warring emotions he has now and he never knows quite what will trigger one. Her holding her hand out in front of him makes him feel uncomfortable, but he pushes that aside. 

He smiles at her, making sure it doesn’t touch his eyes. He doesn’t want her to catch onto the fact that he feels. The human press is exactly the reason he needs to keep what happened to him under wraps. 

“Is there something I can help you with, Ms. Everhart?” he asks calmly. 

She purses her lips and lowers her hand, but only to reach into her bag and pull something out. She says, “I just think it’s odd that you made that announcement all about accountability and shutting down weapons manufacturing, yet Stark Industries has yet to stop any weapons manufacturing.”

He already knows this. It’s why he has had Pepper going into the office to work on getting his position back for him. He doesn’t trust himself to be able to go in front of the board and not give himself away, but he also needs his job back so that he can fix his past mistakes. 

“And then there’s this,” she continues, slapping photos into his chest to punctuate her words. He takes them from her when it seems like she is simply going to let them drop and then just stares uncomprehendingly at the picture. “Is this what you Psy are calling accountability now?” 

Tony ignores her question, too shocked at seeing more of his weapons next to destroyed buildings and dead bodies. 

“Where is this?” he demands, his voice coming out louder than he had intended. “When?” 

She looks startled, probably by the emotion that’s likely all too clear in his voice. She narrows her eyes at him and then answers, “A village called Gulmira. Yesterday.” 

Tony doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. Instead he takes the pictures with him and walks away. He needs to find Stane now and find out what the hell is going on. Stane is in charge of Stark Industries now, he has to know how there are more Stark weapons in the hands of terrorists. 

Stane is already leaving the party, likely having met with everyone he came to meet, and Tony finds him on the red carpet. 

“Mr. Stane,” Tony says, refraining from using the nickname he had made up for Stane. Unlike before when he had been trying to sound human, Tony feels the need to sound convincingly Psy and the nicknames aren’t helping that. 

Stane acknowledges him by pausing where he stands on the front steps of the Disney Concert Hall. 

“Tony,” Stane responds coolly. He nods at Tony and then puts on a practiced smile for the cameras. Tony never realized before how creepy it is to see a smile with absolutely no feeling behind it. He can feel goosebumps on his skin, like he has felt before when he was cold. 

“I was just handed pictures of more Stark Industries weapons in a village in Afghanistan,” Tony says, handing them to Stane. Stane barely glances at them before tucking them safely into a pocket. 

“I assumed you wouldn’t be so naive,” Stane says, eyes cold and hard as he takes Tony in. He looks away and throws an arm around Tony’s shoulder. “Smile for the picture, Tony.” 

Tony can’t bring his face to move into a smile, leaving him standing stiffly next to his longtime business partner and current CEO of his company. 

“This isn’t good business practice,” Tony says, trying to phrase his argument in a way that would make sense to a Psy. “It reflects poorly on the company. When the board finds out…” 

“Tony, Tony,” Stane cuts him off, smile still wide as he waves at the cameras. “Who do you think approved this? You are no longer in power here, Mr. Stark.”

Tony is silent, unable to form a response to that, so Stane continues. “You are in a precarious position with the Council as well. I wouldn’t worry so much about some humans in Afghanistan if I were you.” 

With those words, he pats Tony on the back and walks away, leaving Tony to stand frozen in front of a dozen screaming reporters.


	3. Breathing in the Chemicals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just about done with this but it looks like this fic will be part 1 of a larger verse?? Probably. If I can keep up the motivation and find time around my frighteningly busy schedule. I want to though. I have plans. Hopefully this is enjoyable so far~

The PsyNet is vast and as infinite as a galaxy, made up of countless Psy minds all feeding information into the Net. Psy store information and memories here, open telepathic links and hold entire meetings. It is a place that exists only in the minds of the Psy and is therefore everywhere that they are. It was the most secure information system in existence; Psy do not speak about the Net and they do not leave it alive. 

And yet, Tony Stark walks the earth still with no connection to the PsyNet that anyone can discern. 

Somewhere, scattered around the world but connected telepathically in a secure part of the PsyNet all at once, the Psy Council is in session to discuss this problem. 

“It should not be possible,” Councilor Yen says, voice whispering into the minds of the other councilors. 

“And yet it is,” Councilor Hawley says, her voice firm and certain. “The question is how that is possible and how do we put a stop to this?” 

“Anthony Stark is a Ps-Psy,” Councilor Yen says, referring to Stark’s psychometric abilities. “He is an 8.2 on the Gradient, with low level abilities in other areas, but nothing notable. There is no reason why he should be able to survive outside of the PsyNet.” 

No one acknowledges these statements. Those were all facts they all knew. 

“It’s less important that we know how he did it,” Councilor Pierce cuts in. “And more important that we focus on putting a stop to it. I’ve already heard whispers throughout the Net of Stark breaking Silence. If it becomes confirmed that Stark is outside of the Net without any Silence protocols, there will be chaos. It could cost us everything. He must be silenced.” 

“And how do you suggest we do that?” Councilor Hawley asks. 

“Obadiah Stane is in the perfect position to ensure that Stark does not get the chance to act out again,” Peirce says. 

Yen interrupts, “Stane has obviously not been able to control Stark. The press conference should be proof enough, but word has come in that Stark got into some kind of fight with Stane in front of reporters just this evening. We need to do something more than rely on Stane to shut him up.” 

If a Psy could sound smug, Peirce would certainly sound that way when he answers, “I have reason to believe that Stane could ensure Anthony Stark is removed in a more permanent manner.” 

“Stark is a public figure,” Hawley points out, having already understood what Peirce is implying. “If Stane fails or is caught, it will bring both Silence and the Council into question.” 

Silence continues as a program because the Psy are able to point out the utter lack of violence among Psy. Stane could jeopardize that if he were to be caught. 

“Stane wants a seat on the Council,” Peirce says. “He will not fail.” 

“We have far more efficient ways of getting rid of Stark than an untrained business person,” Yen disagrees. “You just want to test him.” 

“If Stane fails, we will have learned something,” Peirce says, voice certain. “And then we can remove Stane as well and replace him at Stark Industries with someone who will better suit our interests.” 

The Council is silent, but agreement has been reached. Anthony Stark cannot continue to live in the face of what he has done. 

\---

Tony loses his temper. He can’t stop seeing the pictures Everhart showed him, can’t get the feeling of Stane’s arm around him to go away, and he can’t stop feeling helpless. What is the point of having as much money and power as he does when he can’t seem to do anything with it? 

Before he can calm down and think too much, he initiates the suit and decides that tonight is a good night for a test flight. He ignores all of JARVIS’s warnings about proper testing and sets course for Gulmira. He may not have control over his own company, he may be entirely alone in his head, but he won’t sit around useless. He escaped the caves to do something with his life, not hide from the Psy Council and try to follow the rules that started all this in the first place. 

The flight isn’t long, but it is still a long time to be alone with his thoughts. It’s been four months since his Silence programming failed, yet he still feels like the onslaught of emotions is constantly overwhelming. The guilt is probably the worst of them because it means he can't even seriously consider submitting to Silence training again. As much as he wants the cold certainty that comes with Silence, the knowledge of what he has already allowed happen... He can't go back. The guilt hurts, constantly, but he needs it. 

He may not have the ability to be as calculating as he was before, but he knows that those pictures would not have moved him then. He would have gladly let the people in Gulmira die if it meant business was doing well. 

Landing in Gulmira comes with a perfect excuse to stop thinking. His focus shifts to the fight with the Ten Rings. It’s exhilarating and he barely has time to consider if there is something wrong with him that he’s actually having fun while blowing up his own weapons and incapacitating terrorists. He’s too focused on what he’s doing and the look of gratefulness from the families he just saved to put too much thought into it. He throws one of the terrorists at their feet and feels pleased that these people will get their justice. 

He is still riding the adrenaline high when he lifts off again, happy with himself and feeling like he is finally doing something to make his continued survival worth it. He’s distracted enough that it takes some time for him to notice the two F-22 jets tailing him. 

\--- 

Jim Rhodes is having a relatively slow day during which he actually hasn’t thought about Tony Stark once when he gets an urgent call about some kind of unmanned drone near where Tony was taken hostage. There's no reason to think it has anything to do with Tony, except that he's been worrying about Tony almost nonstop since he was taken. The man had become a complete recluse in the month he had been back. As far as Jim knew, Tony hadn't left his house since the press conference. He wouldn't even take any of Jim's phone calls and Ms. Pott's had curtly informed him that Tony was not receiving visitors. She would only tell him that Tony was working on something in his home lab and that he was not to be disturbed. 

“What’ve we got?” he asks as soon as he sets foot in the control room where there is a flurry of activity as airmen yell back to the Major in charge about who they have contacted. 

“CIA says it’s not them,” one of them is saying. “They wanted to know if it’s us.”

“Rhodes,” the Major greets him, looking tense. “We ran an ID check and cross-referenced with all known databases. We have nothing.”

Jim has a bad feeling about this, but he doesn’t share yet. Instead he asks about surveillance. 

“We got an AWAC and a Global Hawk in the area,” an airman tells him. Jim shakes his head. 

“So this thing just appeared out of nowhere?” he asks. “How come it didn’t show up on radar?” 

“Got a minimal radar cross-section, sir.” 

“Is it stealth?” Jim asks, getting more worried as his questions are answered. 

“No, sir, it’s tiny. We think it’s an unmanned aerial vehicle.” 

The Major turns to Jim with a pinched expression on his face and asks, “Colonel, what are we dealing with here?”

Jim really hopes that his growing suspicions will prove false. He says, “Let me make a call. Sergeant, clear a hole.” 

Then he moves away and dials Tony’s cell phone number. 

“Hello?” Tony answers, voice breathless. 

“Tony?” Jim questions, surprised that the man sounds that way. He brushes it aside for the moment though. “Listen, I need to ask if SI has any equipment in the region near where you were held captive. We have a situation.”

“Equipment?” Tony questions. His tone sounds strange and there’s some kind of background noise. Conversations with Tony are generally very straight forward, because despite how much time and energy the man has put into acting human over the years, there has always been a disconnect where he couldn’t fully mimic emotional responses. Tony seems oddly distracted now.

“Yeah,” Jim replies. “We’ve got a weapons depot that was just blown up a few clicks from where you were being held captive. I need to know if you know what it is. Ms. Potts said you’ve been working on something.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Tony says, his voice strained. Jim has the weirdest feeling that Tony is lying to him but can’t figure out why. “Sounds to me like someone’s doing your job for you.”

“Where are you?” he asks, switching tactics instead of taking the bait. 

“What?” Tony asks. “I’m, uh, driving. The top is down.”

Jim has never seen Tony drive in a car with the top down unless he was being driven by someone else with a convertible car. In fact, Tony almost never drives anywhere himself. That’s what he has a driver for. 

“Why do you sound so out of breath?” he questions. 

“Jogging,” Tony responds too quickly. 

“I thought you were driving.” 

“I am,” Tony clarifies. “From where I was jogging.” 

Jim is suddenly hit with the realization that Tony is a terrible liar when he has emotions. Jesus. There is so much about this new Tony that he doesn’t know yet. 

“You’re certain you don’t have any tech in the area that I should know about?” Jim asks, hoping that Tony will answer truthfully. 

He doesn’t. 

“No,” Tony responds shortly. 

“Okay,” Jim says slowly. He nods to himself. “That’s good. Because I’m staring at one right now and it’s about to be blown to kingdom come.”

With that, he hangs up, feeling tense and irritated. He gives authorization to use force and then watches as the bogey, whatever it is, outmaneuvers two F22s. It goes supersonic, deploys flares, and then stops so suddenly that it drops off of radar. For a moment it seems like it’s disappeared and the whole room breaths a sigh of relief. 

Jim’s phone rings. “Tony?” he says by way of greeting. 

“Uh, yeah, hey, it’s me,” Tony says, voice tight and strained like he’s scared. “Uh, you asked. What you were asking about… it’s me.” 

Jim is suddenly furious. Tony has kept plenty of secrets from him in the past, has done work on enough projects that Jim wasn’t told about, but he has never been reckless. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” he hisses, trying to keep his tone down so the other people in the room won’t overhear. “You can’t send civilian tech into a warzone! I know things have been hard on you –” 

“No, Rhodes, Rhodey,” Tony cuts him off urgently. “It’s me, it’s a suit! I’m in the suit!” 

Jim stares in horror as one of the F22s realizes that the bogey – Tony – is on its underside. Things happen too fast for Jim to do anything then. The F22 shakes Tony off, Tony hits a wing, the pilot ejects and then Tony gets to play hero. The plane is down for the count, but everyone is alive. 

He presses his phone to his ear just in time to hear Tony laughing. It isn’t a sound he has ever heard before – not a real laugh anyway – but he can’t help but let out a laugh himself as relief courses through him. 

“You know you owe me a plane now,” he says. Tony laughs again and all Jim can think about is the fact that being friends with this new Tony is apparently going to be absolutely nothing like he can imagine. 

\---

Tony actually did consider how he was going to get the suit back off again, but with his robots tugging and pulling at him, he rather wishes he had put more thought into it. 

“Come on, you big dummy,” Tony mutters at the robotic arm currently pulling at his arm. 

“It’s a tight fit, sir,” JARVIS is saying, tone disdainful. Tony squirms uncomfortably and JARVIS continues, “Sir, the more you struggle, the more this will hurt.” 

“Be gentle, you!” Tony tugs at the leg that is currently being manhandled by the other bot. “I definitely designed this to come off, so – ow! Ow, I should definitely be able to…” 

“Please,” JARVIS says, tone shifting to cajoling now. Tony huffs and JARVIS goes on, “Try not to move, sir.” 

“What are you doing?” 

Tony freezes and looks up to where Pepper has entered his workshop. She is wearing a black suit that makes her look stern and professional, despite how soft her hair falls around her face. She is staring at him with cold eyes, taking in the scene. 

“Are those bullet holes?” she says, zeroing in on his suit with eyes that are definitely seeing too much.

Tony is at a loss for how to respond. “No?” he tries. She simply stands and waits, like if she stares at him for long enough he’ll tell her the truth. She’s probably not wrong. He is already starting to feel like he wants to cave in to her. 

He shakes his head and turns away from her. “Yes,” he confirms. “They’re bullet holes.” 

She nods. “What happened to you, Mr. Stark?” she asks. “Why are you like this?” 

She doesn’t need to clarify. Tony doesn’t answer her question until after he’s finally out of the suit entirely, but she just waits, the picture of patience. 

“I left the Net,” he says. She doesn’t respond because it’s not a question, but she also makes no indication that this is a surprise. “I didn’t mean to. I was dying.” 

“But you came back to life,” she says. “And rejoined the Net.” 

“No,” he replies, shaking his head. Now she looks confused. 

“But that’s not possible.” 

Tony smiles. “Shouldn’t be,” he agrees. “I’m not even totally sure how I did it. Someone helped me.” 

“And the Council knows about this?” she asks. He nods and Tony suspects that he’s just passed some kind of test. He realizes that he really can’t trust her not to throw him to the Council if he does anything wrong, which comes with an entirely unpleasant feeling. 

“They also know that I broke Silence,” Tony says. He’s not entirely sure why he’s telling her. She won’t feel for him or understand what he wants at all. He doesn’t even know what he wants. 

“You feel,” she says. He nods, even though it’s not a question. “Why?” 

“Because I need to,” he tells her. “Because what I was doing without a conscience is wrong and I can see that now.” 

“You’re not planning to go through training again, are you?” 

Tony shakes his head, even though he knows that may be the wrong response if this were to get back to the council. But suddenly, he knows what he wants. He doesn’t want to be the only one who can feel like this.

“Pepper, it’s amazing,” he says. “The things I can feel now. The way the world looks to me now. Haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like? For all the humans and the changelings?” 

“They are flawed,” she replies, repeating the same words that they have both heard their entire lives. They are the same words that every Psy grows up learning. The Psy are perfect because they do not have emotions to distract them from their work. 

“Are you sure it’s them and not us?” 

Pepper blinks. “Of course,” she replies easily. “They are inefficient and prone to violence.” 

“Which we fund!” Tony snaps. “How can we pretend to be above them when we are the ones providing the instruments of death?” 

“It’s not our business what happens to the weapons after we sell them,” she says and Tony feels himself snap. 

“Do you hear what you’re saying?” he demands, feelings his face get hot as his anger spikes and his voice climes in volume. “How could it not be our business? I saw what they were being used for. Good people are dying because of us!” 

Pepper’s face still looks the same, but now she takes a step back. 

“What’s going on here?” 

Tony jumps, not having noticed Rhodey coming down the steps toward the workshop. 

“Rhodes,” Tony says, partially to acknowledge the man’s presence and also as a way to step back from the argument with his personal assistant. 

“Colonel Rhodes,” Ms. Potts says, nodding to the man. “I wasn’t informed that you were coming to see Mr. Stark.” 

Rhodes smiles. “It’s kind of spur of the moment,” he says. “Would you mind if we had a minute here?” 

Ms. Potts looks considering for a moment before nodding and exiting the workshop. As soon as the door closes behind her, Tony complains, “JARVIS, why didn’t you tell me Rhodey was here?”

“You seemed busy, sir,” the AI responds, sounding entirely too disdainful. 

Rhodey shook his head. “Man, you know I’ve heard you laugh and scream for the first time ever all in one day?” 

Tony takes it for the rhetorical question it is and grimaces instead of responding. “I’ve been trying to keep the whole emotions thing under wraps.” 

“Hate to break it to you,” Rhodey says. “But flying around the world to get back at the guys who kidnapped you and then coming back to yell at your PA… Not really a great way to hide things.” 

Tony sighed. “I’ve never had to… do this before,” he admits. “This whole… face thing. Pretending or whatever. I mean, I could pretend to feel just fine, I think. But there weren’t any other emotions to cover up before. This sucks.” 

“Yeah,” Rhodey agrees. “It really does.”

He comes around to Tony and puts a hand on his shoulder, a move he’s never made before. In fact they’ve never really touched before at all, except for brief touches that couldn’t be avoided. Tony finds that he doesn’t mind this touch. 

“Listen,” Rhodey starts. “You and I need to talk and you obviously need to blow off some steam. Why don’t we order some food, maybe send Happy out for a pack of beers, and you can tell me what the hell is going on with you.” 

Tony purses his lips, not totally sure he wants to be the focus of a conversation between them, but then decides that this will be a good way to broach the topic of Rhodey getting a suit of his own. He’s just about the only person Tony trusts in the world right now and he’s already looking ahead to what the suit could do for the world. It will only work if it’s in the right hands. 

Tony thinks Rhodes might be the right hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pinky promise that I love Pepper Potts and that the only reason she's coming off so flat right now is because she's Psy. It seems like I don't like her but I do! Things will get better soon, I promise!


	4. Breaking In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Got distracted with school stuff. Chapter 5 shouldn't be such a long wait...

Yinsen talked a lot about things that Tony doesn’t understand. He just couldn’t see the connections, couldn’t quite figure out what Yinsen was trying to teach him. 

“The Council rules the Psy,” Yinsen said one day, his voice soft as he sat by Tony’s side. It was early days, after they started working on building the suit but before Tony was well enough to exert himself much. Between the open heart surgery and the waterboarding, it took a while before he was able to be up too much. 

Tony stared at him, not at all understanding why Yinsen would have brought that up. It was like saying, “The United States has a president.” Every Psy knew that, even non Psy knew that. Tony had especially been aware of it, given the fact that his father sat on the Council for a large portion of his childhood, right up until his death. 

Yinsen was unphased by Tony’s open confusion. “The Council is law,” he continued, because it was apparently Obvious Day. “How do the councilors get picked? Do you know?” 

Tony frowned. “They nominate a new councilor when a position opens up,” he answered. 

Yinsen nodded, like a teacher pleased at getting the right answer from his student. Tony felt like Yinsen’s student a lot, rather than a fellow prisoner. 

“So the Council picks who is on the Council,” he said. Tony nodded. That’s what he just said. “And then the Council writes the laws and enforces them, yes?” 

Again, Tony nodded. He had a feeling Yinsen was going somewhere, but he didn’t know – or didn’t want to know – where he was going with this line of conversation. 

“And who monitors the Council?” he asked. 

Tony stared at him blankly. “No one,” he replied, because it was obvious. “They are the Council. They are law.” 

Yinsen just waited for Tony to realize what he had just admitted and said no more on the subject. 

Tony thinks about that a lot now. Now that he is back in Malibu, in his big house on the beach, he thinks about it a lot. He never questioned the Council before, and why should he? The Council was swift and efficient in enforcing their laws and Tony had never had an issue with that before. He always assumed that the laws were there for a reason. The Psy are too logical for corruption.

Now Tony feels fear. Now Tony has broken the most important law that the Psy have and done the impossible besides. Now he thinks about Yinsen’s words and questions everything he has ever been taught, because he knows that he is right to be afraid. 

The Council is Law. 

\---  
Tony really doesn’t get beer. Pizza, he finds, is delicious. After his first slice, he decides that he could happily live off of pizza for the rest of his life. Beer though. Beer he does not understand. 

“It’s an acquired taste,” Rhodey tells him. Tony scrunches up his nose in distaste. 

“Why would I want to acquire a taste for that?” he demands. “There are no health benefits and it tastes bad.”

“Man, it’s not about health,” Rhodey says. “It’s about living a little, letting loose. Enjoying the buzz. And the taste grows on you.” 

Tony rolls his eyes. “Just because you humans don’t care for your health doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.” 

Rhodey laughs. “Oh yeah, make this a superior Psy thing, sure,” he says. “Because I’m sure you just had half a pizza because it was healthy.” Tony winces, not having realized he had eaten that much.

“Just admit it,” Rhodey goes on. “This is way better than those stupid energy bars you’re always eating.” 

“I’m not admitting to anything but listening to my doctor when she gave me a balanced meal plan,” Tony says, laughter already bubbling up in his throat because he already knows that that meal plan is out the window. He’s not giving up pizza for anything, even if it is overloaded with carbohydrates and sodium. 

“Man, it’s so weird to see you laugh,” Rhodey says then. “I mean, really, actually laugh. You were always good at faking it before – I even fell for it sometimes, and I knew it was an act. But this… I never would have believed your act before if I had seen you like this. It’s crazy.”

“You’re telling me,” Tony murmurs, feeling weird now. “It’s – I don’t even know how to describe half the things I ever feel. And everything from before… It’s like watching a movie and getting kind of attached to the villain and then finding out that that was you. Rhodes. Rhodey. I saw what they’re using my weapons for.” 

Here Rhodey gets a concerned look on his face. “Tony, I know things have been hard on you. I mean, you got thrown in the deep end with all this and that’s… But Tony, man, don’t you get how much good you’ve done? How many American lives you’ve saved?” 

And just like that, Tony’s mad again. “And all the people that’ve died? All the soldiers in Afghanistan that died just trying to protect me? And that’s not even to mention all the innocent people. I saw… People are dying, for no reason, and I made the weapons to make that happen. Do you know how rich I am? And what have I done with any of that money?”

Rhodey shakes his head and for a moment Tony thinks he’s not going to respond. Then he says, “Maybe you should talk to someone about all this.” 

Tony opens his mouth to point out that he’s talking to Rhodey right now, but Rhodey cuts him off, “A professional. A psychologist or something. Lots of people go through traumatic experiences and get help.” 

Tony nearly starts laughing. “Rhodey, have you forgotten that I’m Psy?” he asks. “If the Council gets their way, I’ll be back to Silence as soon as possible. I can’t talk to anyone about this.” 

Rhodey is quiet then, obviously not sure what to say in this case. Tony takes another bite of his pizza and then grabs the beer he has been ignoring since his first sip. He takes a long drink and though he still doesn’t like the taste, it isn’t too unpleasant. He knew that alcohol is supposed to make him feel good and, honestly, he can use that right now. Between his mounting fears about the Council – who still haven’t made a move beyond a vague request for a meeting with him – and everything going on with SI, a little stress relief probably isn’t a bad thing.

Talk with Rhodey turns toward the armor, which Tony is proud of but also wary about sharing. He initially thought Rhodes was the person he should put in the armor, the one he should trust with it. After all of the man’s talk about Stark Industries’ weapons though, Tony isn’t so sure. At least not yet. So he is vague and a little standoffish about it. Maybe he will bring Rhodey in on it if things changed, after he gets control of his company again and starts making headway destroying all of his old weapons. Then he can think about trusting someone. 

\--- 

Back in Afghanistan, Obadiah Stane meets with the man he had hired to have Tony Stark killed. He should have known not to trust a human with something so important, but even Psy make mistakes sometimes. The man, and his entire camp, are dead by the time Stane walks back out again with the strange suit that Stark built to escape his imprisonment. 

Before, Tony was in the way of Obadiah’s business goals. Now, he’s in the way of Stane’s goals for the Council. It is probably for the best that things worked out this way, to be honest. This has moved Stane’s plans forward by quite a bit. Now he’ll have control of Stark Industries, a fast track onto the Council and technology that will make him even more powerful than before. 

It’s truly fortuitous that Tony Stark’s life was extended for a few more months. 

As he leaves the camp, he brings his phone to his ear. “Set up Sector 16 underneath the arc reactor the arc reactor,” he says. “And I’m going to want this data masked. Recruit our top engineers. I want a prototype right away.” 

Now he just needs to replicate Stark’s miniaturized arc reactor and he can finally be rid of that particular problem once and for all. 

\---  
The day after he has dinner with Rhodey, Pepper comes down to the workshop, where Tony has been since he rolled out of bed early this morning. He didn’t sleep well, tossing and turning with dreams of a cold cave in Afghanistan, and Rhodey telling him he needs help, and Yinsen turning his world view inside out. It was a while before dawn when he gave up on the pretense that he was going to get any decent sleep. 

Now he’s working through cleaning up his armor from his trip to Gulmira and thinking about how he can make it stronger, more bullet proof, without weighing it down too much. The bullet holes aren’t actually holes, per say, but they did leave more of a mark than he is comfortable with. On top of that, he still isn’t sure he had solved the icing problem yet. He’ll have to take the suit out for another test flight later. 

“Pepper, I’m glad you’re here,” he says, only looking up from his work long enough to toss her a USB drive. “I need you to take that to the office for me. You’re going to hack into the mainframe and you’re going to retrieve all the recent shipping manifests. That’s a lock chip. It’ll get you in. It should be under Executive Files. If not, they put it on a ghost drive, in which case you need to look for the lowest numeric heading.” 

Pepper just stares at him. “Why are you hacking into SI’s mainframe?” she asks. She’s still holding the drive, but she makes no move to do anything with it. 

“Because they’re dealing under the table and I’m going to stop it,” he tells her, temper rising again just at the thought of it.

“And what are you going to do with this information if I bring it back here?” she asks, eyeing him with more awareness in her gaze than he’s comfortable with.

He stands and walks toward her, needing to see her eyes when he talks to her about this. He feels like a nerve and he suddenly wants her to also. For her to feel anything, honestly. He just wants someone to understand this, to understand what’s at stake here. 

“I’m going to stop them,” he repeats. “I’m going to find my weapons and destroy them.”

“I cannot help you do this again,” she replies flatly. “It is against the law, it is outside of your position at Stark Industries – which is currently only as majority shareholder, by the way – and the Council won’t like it. You’ve already acted out far more than any Psy should. It looks bad.” 

“Maybe that’s exactly what we need!” he shouts. He puts his hands on her shoulders, wanting to shake her, but restrains himself. “All of us, the Psy, the Council… We care more about fucking Silence than we care about people’s lives! It’s wrong, Pepper. And you can’t even feel it, but it’s wrong.” 

Pepper’s eyes are wide and almost frightened when she responds, “We have Silence for a reason, Mr. Stark.” 

He presses a palm to her face, a gesture he’s never made to anyone before. It feels nice, to touch, to have contact. Psy don’t touch and he realizes now that it’s to mitigate the chemical reactions – the feelings – that touching can lead to. It feels good. 

“Yeah,” he agrees. “And maybe it’s about time that we looked at all the reasons we don’t need it anymore.” 

She shakes her head, sets the USB on the table next to them, and then says, “Mr. Stark, I am putting in my notice.” 

He steps back. “You’re quitting?” She nods but doesn’t meet his eyes. “You’re quitting now? After years of reaping the benefits of destruction, now that I’m finally trying to do something good, you’re quitting?” 

“You’re going to die,” she says, and there’s something in her voice now. Tony isn’t even sure he actually hears it, but he’s pretty certain that her tone wasn’t as flat as it usually is. “And I am not going to help you do that.” 

“I shouldn’t even be alive,” he tells her. He knows that his voice is heavy with emotion, but he doesn’t know how to hide it. He doesn’t think he really wants to try anymore. “There has to be a reason I got a second chance. I’m not crazy, Pepper. I just finally know what I have to do.” 

Pepper is quiet for a long moment. Then she picks the USB back up again. “I don’t want you to die,” she tells him, voice even and carefully modulated. Tony blinks because those aren’t the words of a true Psy. Before he can pull himself together however, she walks back out of the workshop. 

\---  
Virginia Potts enters Stark Industries just like she has on any number of days since she began working here years ago. The guards and the secretaries know her. People nod to her in acknowledgement. Everything is as it should be. 

But it’s not the same. 

Today she isn’t calm and cool like she usually is. Instead an unnerving sort of tension has settled into her muscles, making it hard for her to tell if she looks like she usually does, if somehow it is as obvious to everyone around her as it is to her that she should not be here. That the low level feelings she has had for as long as she can remember feel a little closer to the surface than they have since before the day she officially completed her Silence programming nearly twenty years ago. 

She tries to push that aside. Despite what Tony says, she is already considering making an appointment to retouch her programming. It’s neither safe nor smart to mess around with Silence. Psy who do go mad or face the Council, neither of which are pleasant prospects. 

In Tony’s office, she uses the drive he gave her to log onto the computer. The search goes much faster than she expected, leading her into files on Sector 16 and a video link. She can’t imagine what Stane would be working on in Sector 16 – she gets blueprints for something that looks complicated, but suspiciously familiar – but she sets that aside for the moment to open the video. 

It seems to her that her entire body must actually freeze then, she is so shocked by what she sees. It’s Tony, looking drawn and dirty and unlike any version of him she has ever seen, and there are men standing over him with angry faces and angrier voices. She opens a translation program that they usually use for teleconferences and then almost wishes she didn’t. 

Silence was put into place for a reason. Nearly a century ago, the Psy lived without Silence and it was driving the population insane. They just had too much power in their minds and they were killing each other. The Silence Protocol entirely eliminated violence among the Psy. It was a complete success. 

But. 

But Obadiah Stane had Tony kidnapped. Tony was meant to die in Afghanistan and it wasn’t really at the hands of humans or changelings like Stane has been telling everyone. This is not yet another case for why the Psy were superior to the other human races like the Council has been saying. 

Pepper stops the video, unable to watch more and then begins to copy all of the files onto Tony’s drive. 

The door opens and Obadiah Stane himself walks into the room. Pepper doesn’t jump, but it is a close thing. Stane looks the same as he always has. He looks just as cool and unfeeling as he should. 

“So, what are we going to do about this?” he asks her. They have been talking continually since Tony’s return, trying to coordinate Stark Industries next moves with Tony’s suddenly erratic behavior. She had never suspected anything from him. He was perhaps power hungry, but most Psy were, she thought. Without any emotions like love or sadness to motivate them, the Psy had to find something to motivate. For most it was the betterment of the Psy race, often through economic means. 

She has never before considered that that may not actually be what is the best, most logical course.

“Tony has become even more of a problem,” Stane says. “It’s worrisome and it’s not good for the stock.” 

Pepper doesn’t respond because it’s not a question. 

“You have been very helpful, Ms. Potts,” he tells her. “I’m not sure Mr. Stark understands how valuable an asset you are.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Stane,” Pepper says evenly. She eyes the screen and as soon as the download hits 100% she switches the screen to the black screensaver and pulls out the drive. There is a newspaper there as well which she hopes covers up what she has just done. 

“I should really get going,” she tells him. “I have a lot of work to do.” 

Stane nods. “Of course,” he says. 

She walks out of the door as quickly as possible without looking hurried and then makes her way toward the exit like that. She is flooded with something like relief when she reaches the lobby to find one of the agents that have been hounding Tony for weeks sitting there. 

“Ms. Potts, we had an appointment,” he tells her. 

Pepper nods. “Yes, right now,” she agrees. He looks startled by that response, but she keeps walking. “Walk with me.” 

\---

Pepper has been gone a lot longer than Tony is entirely comfortable with when she finally calls him. He’s so relieved to hear her voice on the other end that he doesn’t notice that someone else is in the room with him until he is paralyzed on his own couch, looking up at his longtime business partner.


	5. Shaping Up

He can still hear Pepper’s voice, quiet and far, coming from where he dropped his phone somewhere to the side of him. 

“Breathe,” Obadiah tells him and Tony does, even while he wants to recoil from where Stane has his hands steadying him. He shows Tony the device in his hand, one that looks painfully familiar, despite the fact that he designed it years ago. “Remember this? It’s a shame the government didn’t approve it. There are so many application for short term paralysis.” 

Tony just stares at him and continues to breathe, because that’s all he can do. He wants to scream. 

“When I ordered the first hit on you,” Stane says, confirming what Tony had just realized, “I was worried that I was moving too quickly. You see, you’ve always been in my way. We both know I was more business savvy than you. More than your father too. You should never have been CEO. It just doesn’t make sense.”

Tony breathes, moves his eyes. 

“But it really worked out for the best that you survived,” he continues. “The Council is finally ready for your death, the Board has accepted me as the CEO. And now this. You have given me the world’s greatest weapon, Tony. Right after trying to convince us all to stop making those.” 

He pulls another device out of his pocket, this one something he must have made himself because it’s definitely not Tony’s.

He holds it up so that Tony can see it and says, “And it’s really a shame that you had to bring Ms. Potts into this. She had so much promise.”

Without another word, he removes the arc reactor from Tony’s chest. Then he nods, stands, leaves. 

Tony is alone and he’s going to die. 

He throws himself to the side, the paralysis not having worn off, but starting to. He thinks JARVIS must have been disabled somehow, because there is no response when he tries calling out. Still, he drags his half paralyzed body down to his lab, where he knows there’s an old reactor right where he left it after he had Pepper remove it. 

The next few minutes stretch out in a way Tony thinks must only happen when you know they are the last few minutes of your life. It feels like a lifetime in itself, struggling toward the only thing that might save him, that is just out of reach. It’s been a lifetime and he can’t reach it and he’s dying and then. 

“Tony? Tony? Tony!” 

Rhodey bursts into Tony’s line of vision, right in the center where it’s not dark and fuzzy yet. Time speeds up again when the arc reactor is put back into it’s place inside Tony’s chest and Rhodey tells him that Pepper is with some agents, on their way to arrest Stane. 

“It’s not going to be enough,” Tony says with absolute clarity, and starts to push himself into a standing position despite the fact that he has nearly died yet again. 

He needs his suit and he needs to get to Stane before Pepper does. She doesn’t know what she’s in for, but Tony is nearly certain that he does. 

“Rhodey, I need you to keep the skies clear,” he says while his bots help him get into the suit. Rhodey nods and then his eyes glaze over just a little bit. 

“That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Tony smirks. “Not bad, huh?” Then he looks up. “Let’s do it.” 

\---

Stane’s armor is so much more terrifyingly large than Tony’s is. 

Coulson and his agents have already scattered and Pepper is standing at the control panel for the arc reactor and all she can think about is how Tony is going to die. She can make out their forms above her head, moving too fast in and out of her vision and there’s no way Tony will survive it. 

She is once again surprised by how much she doesn’t want him to die. It’s more than just a logical desire to keep her job or protect human life. 

“Pepper?” Tony says in her ear, speaking to her through her blue tooth. 

“Tony!” she responds, so grateful that he’s still able to talk at this point. 

“This isn’t working,” he tells her. He sounds breathless. “We’re going to have to overload the arc reactor and blow the roof.” 

“How are you going to do that?” she asks, craning her neck to try and see what is happening above her. 

“You’re going to,” he replies easily. Pepper’s eyes widen and she looks back at the control panel instinctively, certain she doesn’t know how to do that. He gives her the instructions and then it’s another long moment of waiting while he and Stane fight above her. When Tony gives the call to do it, he’s directly above her, visible through the metal grating. 

“But you’ll die!” she shouts, not even trying to keep the emotions out of her voice. 

“Do it!” he shouts back. She does it, more out of an instinctual drive to follow orders than because she makes a conscious decision. As soon as she does, she wonders how soon she can make that appointment to retouch her Silence programming. Her boss, a man she has never felt anything at all towards, is likely dead because of her and she needs the cold logic of Silence to remind herself that she was just doing what was best, what he wanted. 

“Pepper?” 

Pepper opens her eyes again, not having even quite realized she had closed them, and lets out a shaky breath.

“Tony,” she responds, voice breathier than she thinks it ever has been except after a particularly strenuous workout. 

“Pep, you don’t sound so good,” Tony’s voice is quiet, tired. “You okay?” 

“I think…” she starts. It’s all kind of overwhelming. She wonders if her programming has completely failed or if it can get worse than this. She closes her eyes and focuses on what she’s good at. “We need to talk about the Council soon. And release a statement about the events here tonight. No, better be a press conference. Tomorrow.” 

Tony actually laughs at that and Pepper feels her lips tug up into something of a smile. 

“Yeah,” he agrees. “We can do that. Totally.” 

\---  
Agent Coulson is, as far as Tony can tell, about as unflappable as a Psy, but Tony is certain he’s not one. He doesn’t try to read the man’s mind or anything – Tony’s never been much of a telepath – but he does get a weird sort of vibe from the man. The logical conclusion is that he’s human, but Tony feels weirdly uncertain about it. He brushes it aside for the moment and tries to pay attention as Coulson tells him the cover story. 

“A body guard?” he asks. “That seems unlikely.” 

“Trust me,” Coulson tells him, face blank. “This isn’t my first rodeo.” 

Rodeo? Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes. Humans and changelings use such stupid phrases. 

“It’s all in the cards,” Coulson continues. “Just follow along those.” 

Tony looks down at them, reads them through and gets a feel for them. “Iron Man?” he asks. 

Coulson nods. “That’s what the press is calling the suit.” 

Tony’s brow starts to furrow before he smooths it out again. He really needs to practice with his facial control. Pepper is also doing something funny with her face and he decides it’s a good thing they already agreed that she should wait in the green room and analyze the conference from there. 

“It’s a gold titanium alloy, not iron,” Tony says, confused by how anyone could mistake the two.

Coulson’s lips twitch and he shrugs. “It’s catchy.” Then, “You’ve got ninety seconds.” 

“Agent Coulson?” Pepper cuts in, voice quiet. “I just wanted to thank you for you help.” 

Coulson nods. “That’s what we do. You’ll be hearing from us.”

“From the Strategic Homeland—” Pepper starts. 

Coulson cuts her off, “Just call us SHIELD.”

Pepper acknowledges that and then turns to usher Tony out. Tony takes a deep breath and then goes out to face the press. Rhodey’s already up at the podium and Tony feels the strangest sense of warmth that the man is there. It feels good. And weird. 

“And now, Mr. Stark has prepared a statement,” he says. “He will not be taking any questions.” 

Rhodey smiles at him and Tony takes the podium. With a deep breath for courage – not something he has ever needed before – he starts, “Thank you. There has been speculation that I was involved in the events that occurred on the freeway and the rooftop—”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark,” someone cuts him off. Tony recognizes her as the reporter from the firefighter benefit. He tries not to frown at her and he’s pretty sure he succeeds. “Do you really expect us to believe that that was a bodyguard in a suit that conveniently appeared, despite the fact that you—”  
“I know that it is confusing,” Tony says, voice as flat and monotonal as he can make it. “But that is what happened. I assure you, I am not some kind of superhero.” 

There’s some light laughter at that and Tony feels pleased. He finally understands what can be funny about something like that. The idea that any Psy, but particularly one as historically ruthless as him, could be a superhero is comical. 

Christine Everhart does not look amused. Rather, she looks irritated, rolling her eyes as she says, “I never said you were a superhero.”

“Well that’s good,” Tony says. She stares him down and Tony feels something inside him that he doesn’t have a name for. Irritation definitely, but something else too. Competitiveness? Is that a feeling?

He looks down at his cards and tries to remember what he was supposed to be saying. He starts to ramble instead, words coming out of his mouth before he’s really thought them through. 

“Because that would be outlandish and fantastic,” he says. “I’m certainly not a hero, clearly.” 

Rhodey leans over to him and whispers, “Just stick to the cards, man.” 

Tony looks at him and nods. Then he looks at the press again, sees Christine Everhart smirking at him like she’s daring him to do something. 

Then he opens his mouth and says, “The truth is, I am Iron Man.” 

The whole room erupts into shouts and Rhodey grabs him by the arm to drag him off stage. Coulson is standing silently at the back of his room and now his eyes are wide with surprise. Tony feels some kind of pleasure that he managed to surprise the agent. 

“I didn’t even get to tell them that I’m CEO again,” Tony complains as Rhodey drags him into the room where Pepper was watching. 

“You’re not CEO again,” Rhodey points out. Tony shrugs. 

“I will be as soon as the paperwork goes through,” he says. 

Pepper looks horrified when they step inside. “What was that?” she demands, rising to her full height, which is about as tall as Tony when she’s not wearing high heels. 

Tony frowned. “I… There was a reporter, in the audience,” he says, feeling uncomfortable at the realization that he definitely lost control of his mouth. 

“Yes,” Pepper snaps. “In fact there were many reporters out there. It was a press conference.” 

Tony huffs. “No, I mean a particular one,” he says. “I’ve met her before. She’s the one who told me about the weapons in Gulmira.” 

Pepper just waits for him to explain what had happened, but he’s honestly not entirely sure. 

Rhodey groans. “Oh god, she goaded you into a response,” he says, putting his face in his hands. His shoulders start to shake and it takes a moment for Tony to realize that he is laughing. “God, and you just fell for it.” 

Tony blinks and feels irritated again. “I did not,” he argues, feeling embarrassed now. 

“Did too,” Rhodey replies, full on grinning at him now. Tony pouts and then tries to stop pouting, which doesn’t actually make him feel any better. 

“Well, I’m glad you find the situation funny,” Pepper says, looking distinctly unhappy. “But I’ve already got incoming calls from all of those news channels and I can tell you right now that the Council is not going to take this lightly. I think the only reason they haven’t come after you so far is because you’re a public figure and you’ve kept things quiet. Tony, if it comes out that you’ve broken your Silence…” 

Tony winces. He knows exactly how dangerous the game he’s playing is. Rhodey falls silent as well. Then Tony asks, “What about you?” 

Pepper looks at him questioningly and Tony clarifies, “Are you going to go in for retraining? You probably should.” 

Pepper blinks at him in surprise for a long moment and he finds himself babbling again. “I mean, it would be safer for you. If I can’t keep things under control, I don’t want you going down with me. You know. So maybe it would be for the best.” 

Pepper’s face contorts into something negative. Some sort of cross between anger and sadness. “No,” she says. “I’m not going to make that appointment. I’m not going to lose you again. I’m not going to lose myself.” 

Tony smiles. He gets that feeling all right. Then he turns to Rhodey as an idea occurs to him. “You can teach us how to control our faces!” 

Rhodey’s eyebrows fly up. “I can?” 

“Yes,” Tony says, smiling now. “Yes, you know how to do it. You’ve been doing it your whole life.”

Rhodey rolls his eyes. “I’m not sure I know how to teach that, but sure. Why not? I’ll help.” 

Pepper is smiling now too. “Good,” she says. Then she turns to Tony. “We need to find others.” 

“What?” 

“Others,” she repeats. “If you want to stay this way and I want to stay this way, we need more people. More Psy to break their Silence. Just enough that the Council can’t go after them without anyone knowing.”

“Enough to make a point,” Tony says, seeing where she’s going with this. 

Rhodey is staring at them both with wide eyes now. “Correct me if I’m misunderstanding here,” he says. “But it sounds like you two are talking about starting a revolution.” 

Tony grins. “I suppose we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this! I have ideas for a second part, but I'm not sure if I'll have the time.... **fingers crossed**


End file.
